When I First Saw You

When I first saw you, I knew one or two years from now, you would be a faint memory in my thoughts haunting me as I look at a cafe's window at traffic and tall buildings leaping toward the skyline.

With hope, you have flown like a bird to its nest, and I sit alone again knowing that I have helped you on your mission as far as I can lead you.

But, last year and the year before, you were like a scarecrow in the wind without a foundation to hold you straight, and I leapt into the tornado fields and rain and nearly coughed up blood from pneumonia to keep the straw from falling out of your lungs and body.

Maybe I jumped in too hard, and if I remained aloof to your presence and never entered your crazy, chaotic realm, you would be the same as you are today.  I have no idea.  But, I saw a person in the deepest and darkest places, the holes that I used to go and still do, and knew that if I allowed you to fall in the holes I typically crawl in that you may not find any substance left to disappear the deadness left to grow and kill your soul.

And, so you stood on my shoulders, and I have bruises and back pain to prove it.  You stood high in the sky while my feet sunk deeply into the mud.

And now?  Now, you seem to be okay.  One minute you were on my shoulders crazy and out of place, and then poof, you stopped biting your nails and learned to be yourself again.  How did it happen so quickly?

Now, I am left in the window looking out to the hospital across the street.  I'll stay here a few more minutes in finish the decaffeinated coffee and allow your ghost to remain.  And somehow, I plan to return to my former activities and realize that sometimes friendship is not meant to last forever and a day.

The best friend of all is the one who jumps into a situation knowing he or she might die along the way, and when the other has reached the pinnacle of her dreams and satisfaction, I can finally, finally walk away.

I sound sad today about it all, and maybe I am.  But, that is okay, because deep down...deep within the spirit of my being, I helped you crawl through the rabbit hole of your shadowy path and see your light again.

I believe I have helped, but now, I must live like the dark soul I have always been and remain fresh in my cave where only the lightning bugs will mix with the bats as they play a little game of "Tag, you're it!."

I am lost today, but I don't plan to stay lost for more than a day, Spring has sprung, and I have my own lungs to fill with breath before the lightning fades.