1 post tagged “clinton”

Q: Why don't you wear an American Flag pin?

Obama: I prefer to wear my Superman or Captain American Boxers.  Both heroes represent the all-American hero.  They are patriotic, as I am patriotic.

Q: But doesn't your former Pastor also wear these boxers?   And, since he wears them, doesn't that imply that you are guilty by association and un-American?

Obama: I disown the boxers that my former Pastor wears because they are not the boxers made by hard-working Americans in Pennsylvania.  He wears the same boxers, but his were reproduced in China, which is currently funding the Iraq War.  Therefore, I am still patriotic, even though I respect my former pastor's desire to wear boxers.

Q: Hillary, what do you think about Obama's boxers?  Is it hypocritical that he and his pastor wear similar boxers?

Hillary: I think the boxer debate is something the American people need to review.  And, I know the Republican party will bash Obama's relationship to his pastor's boxer choices.  I have spent thirty-five years working for the people of America, and though I served on the Board of Directors of Wal-Mart, the company where Obama's pastor purchased his Chinese boxers, I have fought the special interests and lobbyists in Washington.  And, I will stand up against the Republican attacks because I am a fighter and drink beer and bowl and have a husband who has sexually harassed lower class bimbos and other non-elitist women in Pennsylvania.

Obama: (with his finger in the air): I have to speak to this one, George.  Now George, Hillary's response is a typical answer of the old politics of Washington, and I am hear to change that view.  George, let me be brief.  No pun intended.  Let's talk about real issues.  The war in Iraq.  The economy.  The fact that our Pennsylvanian voter has lost his job and cannot even drive to Wal-Mart to purchase ObamaMania boxers because of the increased gas prices across the country. 

Hillary: George.  I should respond briefly.  No pun intended again.  When my husband was not wearing boxers but smoked illegal cigars from Cuba, I traveled to thirty-five or forty countries across the globe and fought for women's rights and faced some terrifying warfare in the process.  In fact, I am a Methodist who does not mind breaking the laws of my church to drink a Guinness in a Pennsylvania Irish bar.

Q: Any response from you Senator Obama?

Obama: Look.  All these points about me being an elitist are not true.  I mean, my wife is ghetto.  She speaks ghetto.  I hide her from the campaign trail until the media begins to portray me as an elitist.  So, she can outdrink Hillary any day, but we need an elitist to run this country, because honestly, George Bush has failed in his ability to reach out to others across the aisle and use logical reasoning in his choice of language, even though I mangle my words every now and then, hang out with Black extremists, and was not present when my pastor spoke harshly against 9/11 with anti-American sentiments.  Come to think of it, he doesn't wear a flag on his suit either.

Q: That will be all of the questioning for this evening.  Thanks for the enlightening discussions on the issues facing our country.  After the candidates leave, we will then spend the next three months evaluating each word spoken by the candidates.  CNN will make Clinton look like a hero.  Fox will shred Obama and Clinton to death.  And MSNBC will ride the fence on the issues.  That is all from the Constitution Center in Pennsylvania.  Good night!

-CM